


Gay Godfathers

by RainbowHorklumps



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual James Potter, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Sirius Black, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, POV Sirius Black, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Second War with Voldemort, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24940261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowHorklumps/pseuds/RainbowHorklumps
Summary: “I can’t do that. I don’t think I could stay sane. And anyway, he’s my godson. I’m not supposed to abandon him. Even if he.” Sirius choked, unwilling to admit it. “Even if he abandons me,”Harry's first encounter with Sirius and Remus' relationship doesn't go well. Can Sirius still be a mentor?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 107





	Gay Godfathers

**Author's Note:**

> The characters and world of this story belong to JK Rowling, even if is a transphobic bastard.

I

The first time Harry saw him and Remus together, there was a confused look of recognition in his eyes. Not that Sirius was paying much attention. He only had eyes for Remus- how much he had changed in those twelve years. He absently wondered how different they’d look if Remus had had him as a companion these past years. If he hadn’t been in Azkaban, fed just enough to keep him alive, but no more. Twelve years was a long time.

It must have been the hug, a bit too tight, a bit too lingering. Or maybe it was the way they couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other, even as they explained to Harry. Either way, by the end of that first meeting, Hermione had a look of understanding in her eyes, and Harry had a look of suspicion. But Peter was gone and he was on the run again, so he threw it off.

* * *

II

The next time the three of them were together, at least in human form, was after the third task. Sirius had his arm around Remus while they waited for Harry to wake up. Even Sirius would admit that that was a bad move. Harry’s eyes narrowed when he saw it, saw the casual way Remus’ hand was on his thigh. He didn’t say anything until everyone else had left or fallen asleep.

“So you’re together then?” Harry’s voice was confrontational. This was not the way that Sirius had intended this conversation to go.

He looked to Remus, who shrugged back at him. “Ummm. Yeah.” He paused, looking for words, “yeah, we’re together, but we’re not like boyfriends? I mean, we just haven’t worked out a label I guess.”

“Figures. Just fucking figures. Nothing in my life can be fucking normal can it?” Sirius’ hopes are crushed as Harry rants to the world. “The one good thing in my life and they’re a fucking queer. What the hell. I can’t even have a somewhat normal life.”

Harry silences as someone on the other side of the room stirs, rolling so his back is towards Sirius and Remus. They sneak out before he rolls back. To say Sirius is crushed would be an understatement. Once he’s back at Grimmauld Place, he stays in dog form for a week. Not even Remus can make him change back.

* * *

III

“I know he’s James’ son, but I’m scared what will happen when he arrives. I just. I want him to accept us, Rem.” They were curled up on the only safe couch, waiting for the rescue party to return. Remus had turned down joining, not sure of how Harry would react.

“I know Siri. But if you really don’t think we’ll be safe, you could always turn into a dog for the rest of summer? Live as a stray.” Remus’ grin morphed into a grimace. “Not that that’s anything new.”

“I can’t do that. I don’t think I could stay sane. And anyway, he’s my godson. I’m not supposed to abandon him. Even if he.” Sirius choked, unwilling to admit it. “Even if he abandons me,” he whispered. “Harry’s had a rough enough go at life without the one person he’s supposed to be able to trust just up and leaving. I’ve just got to put on my Gryffindor face and bear it.”

They stayed like that until the Order began to filter in, then made their way downstairs, careful to keep themselves slightly separate. It wouldn’t do to alienate the poor kid before he even arrived.

* * *

IV

Sirius wasn’t ashamed to say that he hid from Harry for almost a week following his arrival. Even Mrs Weasley commented on how committed he’d grown to their cleaning habits.

“Had a change of heart, have we? I knew you would- it’s your place after all.” Mrs Weasley was far too smug for his liking. How could she possibly know how much he hated the building, how much it reminded him of Azkaban.

“Err, hi Mrs Weasley,” Harry’s voice piped from the doorway, making them both jump.

“Harry dear, I’ve told you to call me Molly.”

“Sorry, it’s just. I was wondering if I could speak to Sirius? Alone?”

“Of course, dear. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me,” she gave Sirius a purposeful glare as she left. Maybe she knew more than she was letting on.

“Hi, Sirius. I kinda wanted to apologise for what I said the last time I saw you.” He looked down at his feet. “I knew it was wrong at the time. And apparently, Hermione and Ron heard and they- anyway, I’m happy for you and Remus. I really am. It’s just, I’d had a long day. A really fucking long day and I’d been hoping that I’d be able to move in with you, but the muggle authorities would never let me- or any child- live with homosexual men and I-”

Sirius cut him off with a hug. “Oh, Harry. I’m sorry too. It was the wrong time to spring it on you. I should have thought- but I was too wrapped up in having Remus nearby.”

“I just hope you don’t hate me now,” Harry mumbled into his chest.

“Oh, Harry. I could never hate you. And anyway, I think the authorities probably have a bigger issue with me being an escaped mass murderer than they do me being gay.” Having a sudden realisation, he holds Harry out in front of him. “I’m not Petunia, Harry. I don’t mind who you like, so long as you’re happy.”

The moment was broken by his dear old mum screeching in the hallway. “I’d better go shut my mother up,” he sighed.

“Your mum?”

“Oh yes, this is the house I grew up in, didn’t you know?”

* * *

V

The rest of the holidays was spent getting to know each other, retelling the tales of the Marauders hijinks to Harry. Sirius never brought up his relationship with Remus, but neither did Harry, until the day before the train left-

“What on earth are you wearing?” Harry’s voice startled them and Buckbeak, who he’d been grooming.

Sirius looked down at their skirt and fishnet stockings. Turning to face Harry, they flinched as he took in the makeup on their face. “Oh. Um. I never told you, did I. I’m genderfluid.”

Harry’s look of confusion said everything they needed to know. “I guess you could say that I switch between genders? Most of the time I’m happy with male clothes and pronouns, but sometimes they feel completely wrong, and I need to be female, or somewhere in between to feel comfortable.” They gestured down at their body with a bit of a shrug, “Today’s an in-between day.”

“So, err, should I still call you Sirius?” Harry’s voice was hesitant but warm.

“Yeah- some people like to have different names for different genders, but Sirius is… obscure enough that I feel comfortable with it even if I’m not feeling particularly masculine.” Harry snorted at that. “But at the moment I’d quite like if you could use they/them pronouns rather than he/him.”

Harry nodded and they sat in comfortable silence for a while, both of them working at tangles in the Hippogriff’s feathers. Eventually, the boy blurted “Does Remus know?”

“I’d certainly hope so- I came out in our fifth year, just before I ran away. My parents didn’t take it very well. It wasn’t pure enough for them. It’s kind of what got Rem and me together.” They paused, checking Harry was interested before continuing. “I got sick of hiding it, and blurted it out when we were playing truth or dare one night. Next thing I know, I’m being smothered in hugs. Then Re got all quiet, and pronounced that he was gay- I’m pansexual, by the way. The four of us got quite drunk after that, James insisted it was a time to celebrate, and somehow I ended up snogging Remus.”

“Oh, wow. I hadn’t realised you’d been together that long. I’d assumed it was a new thing.” Harry paused, before continuing in a softer tone, “So Dad knew then? And he was fine with it?”

“Yup. He even convinced Pete to let us have the room to ourselves twice a week,” turning to Harry, they grinned at his pink cheeks. “Nothing to be embarrassed about in a healthy sex life. And anyway, it would be a bit hypocritical of him to complain. He was bisexual, after all.”

“What? But, he was with Mum, wasn’t he?” Harry spluttered.

“Yeah, eventually. But Lily wouldn’t go near him until the end of sixth year. By that point, he’d had a couple of boyfriends. Nothing serious, mind.” They chuckled at their pun. “You know, the sort of broom cupboard fling that only lasts a few sessions. He never cheated on Lils though. Once he got with her, it was only her.”

“I never knew.”

Sirius spent the rest of the afternoon filling in some more personal details until Harry remembered that he still needed to pack his trunk. Despite how painful some of the memories were, they knew how important it was for Harry.

* * *

VI

A couple of days after Harry and the Weasleys arrived for Christmas, Sirius was sure the boy was hiding from him. He eventually found him in the dressing room, staring at the family tree.

“That would be me,” he said, pointing at a blackened spot near the bottom. “My mother blasted me off the tree when I ran away. I ended up at your dad’s place, you know.”

“Oh.” The pause dragged on for an uncomfortable period. “Do you think. Do you think that he would have been proud of me? Dad, I mean.” Harry eventually whispered.

“Of course he would be. You’re the youngest Seeker in the century- you even beat James in getting onto the team. He probably would have sent you at least three Howlers professing his joy. And another after every game.”

“Yeah but. Sometimes I feel like I’m turning into a monster. Like there’s this darkness inside me, that’s taken over. Do you think that he’d consider me a good person?”

“Harry, you’re one of the best people I know. One of the nicest, kindest, most sensitive people I’ve ever had the privilege to meet. Of course, you’re a good person. And anyway, there’s no such thing as good and evil- the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. Everyone is some shade of grey in the middle.” Sirius gave him a conspiratorial wink, “Even Dumbledore is rumoured to have been in love with Grindelwald, and he's the leader of the light.”

Harry looked mollified, but not completely at ease. “Is there anything else on your mind?”

“I, erm, I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but I. I can’t stop thinking about someone. A boy,” he clarified quickly. Seeing Sirius’ spreading grin, he hid his head in his hands.

“Ooh. Now, this is something I can help with. Who is this boy, what does he look like?” Sirius let a hint of teasing creep into his voice.

“Draco. He’s got this gorgeous blond hair and stunning grey eyes…” Harry’s voice went wistful.

“Lucius’ boy, right? I can see that. I think you could go for it”

“Yeah, Malfoy. But we’re kind of enemies. And he’s a Slytherin and awful to Hermione.”

“That kind of sucks, but maybe it’s a front? What does she think?” Sirius pondered.

“Oh.” Harry’s cheeks pinked again. “They don’t know. I haven’t even told them that I’m gay or bi or pan or something. Queer,” he added definitively. “What? Don’t look at me like that! I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. It’s not like my life has been normal.”

“I suppose not,” Sirius conceded. “But I still think you should tell them.”

* * *

VII

Sirius dragged Harry aside the night before he went back to Hogwarts. “Now, I’ve got some things for you, but before that, I don’t suppose anyone has ever had the sex talk with you?”

“I-I’ve. There was the school one? In second year,” Harry eventually spluttered out.

“So no-one's given you the sex talk then. Out of interest, who gave that? Don’t tell me it was Snivellus?” Harry’s tight lips said it all. “Ok. So, I’ve got you some condoms and lube. I don’t care what someone says, you always use a condom. Even with a guy. You just don’t want to risk it with STI’s. They’re bloody uncomfortable. If you’re with a girl, you should probably also cast a contraceptive charm, but I’m not going to teach you that. I haven’t had to cast one in years. If you need to know, you should go to Madame Pomfrey.” He started explaining how to stretch and prepare a male partner, emphasising just how important lube is.

By the time he was done, Harry’s face was bright red and buried in his hands. “Enough! I haven’t even kissed anyone yet!”

“Oh alright. But don’t be afraid to owl to ask any questions. Now, have you told Ron or Hermione yet?”

Sirius was sure that if all of Harry’s blood wasn’t in his face, he would have coloured more. “No. But I’m going to tell them on the train.”

“Let me know how that goes, okay? And tell me if I need to kick anyone’s ass.”

VIII

Three months later, Hedwig arrived at Grimmauld. Sirius untied the scroll from the bird’s leg, careful not to smudge her drying nail polish. The message scrawled on it was short;

_Malfoy said yes!_

_Don’t tell Ron or ‘Mione though, they’d have a fit._

She rolled her eyes, a grin spreading across her face. “Re, were we ever this oblivious?”

“Undoubtedly.” He pecked her on the lips. “But I’m glad we grew out of it.”

* * *

IX

When he arrived at the ministry, there was chaos.

All seven children were battling Death Eaters. He looked around, trying to find the place he was most needed. Hermione had Dolohov under control, Ron at her back fighting Goyle. Ginny and Luna were exchanging hexes with Crabbe and someone he didn’t recognise, Neville faring well against Greyback. And there, in the middle of the room, was Harry. For a second, Sirius thought it was three on one- then saw Draco battling against Lucius, not with him. He couldn’t stop himself joining Harry against his dear cousin Bellatrix, a bloodthirsty urge overcame him. She wouldn’t take his godson away. He wouldn’t let her.

Harry saw him out of the corner of an eye, relaxing visibly, before catching Bellatrix with a tripping Jinx. “Nice one James!” he called, and then saw a flash of red and was falling, falling. He couldn’t stop falling.

But he wasn’t moving. He could still see the fight, watched Harry drive his cousin into the Atrium, watched him fight Voldemort.

A touch on his shoulder, an almost forgotten voice. “Fancy seeing you here, Sirius.”

He turned, running straight into open arms and a scent he thought he’d never smell again. James.

X

They watched as Harry approached Remus the following Christmas, all three of them with bated breath.

 _“I’m glad he’s still got Moony,”_ Lily commented. _“I just want him to know how much we love him.”_

_“He does, Lils. Deep down, he does.”_

“Hi, Prof- Remus. I don’t really know who to go to, but I’m worried about Draco.” Harry’s tone wobbled. “He’s gotten really distant, and I don’t know how to help him. And, err. He, he won’t undress with me?”

Remus’ eyes sparkled, though his voice came out serious. “That does sound serious. Do you know when it started? And are you telling me that he used to undress around you before, and you never told me? I’m hurt Harry, utterly hurt.”

“Remus! Now’s not the time. But yeah, we’d. We’ve done stuff, last year. But halfway through summer he stopped writing and hasn’t been the same since he got back to school. He got all weird when Katie touched that necklace. And, err- his mum- his place, err-”

“Do you think he might have gotten roped in by Voldemort?” Harry nodded. “Does he know about the Order? No? Well, I think we can probably offer to hide him, and his mother if need be. Do you want me to organise some stuff on this end? In case he needs asylum?”

_“Oh Harry,” Lily whispered. “My darling boy. You’re too young to be dealing with this.”_

_“But he’s strong Lils,” James said, pulling her into his arms. “He’ll survive this. You’ll see.”_

_“And Moons will help him. Umm. Do you guys know about him and me?”_

_James’ grin returned, somewhat. “Pads! If only you knew. I’ve seen too much, far, far too much.”_

* * *

XI

They talked to Harry, that night, as he walked to his death. Remus and James and Lily and her. They told him how much they loved him, how proud they were. Lily broke down crying afterwards. But Harry didn’t join them, he went back and he kept fighting and he won. They watched the celebrations, joining in where they could, helping the new among their ranks.

Eventually, Sirius turned to Remus. _“I don’t blame you for Tonks, you know. I wanted you to move on. I didn’t want you to wait for me.”_

_“I knew you did, Pads, which is why I did. But I didn’t want to forget you. Do you know why I chose Harry to be Ted’s godfather? Because I wanted someone who knew that Tonks wasn’t my first love, who knew that I’d been with you. I wanted someone who could tell him the stories of the Marauders, and stories of the Order, and our adventures. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t ashamed to be myself, and that I’d love him no matter who he turns out to be.”_

Sirius was crying now, tears streaming down her face.

 _“Oi Pads, what’s wrong?”_ James had snuck up on her again. _“Did you truly think he’d forgotten you?”_

 _“Of course not,”_ she sniffed. _“But it was always a possibility”_

* * *

XII

When Harry died, the world cried. He was old and it was expected, but he was their saviour, so they cried. But Harry finally got to see James and Lily, finally got to meet his parents. The tears there were happy, not sad. When he’d finally broken free, he turned around to see Draco there, watching. He dragged the lad over, introducing them.

_“…and finally, this is Sirius Black, your cousin, and my godfather.”_

_“Nice to meet you, Draco. I’ve heard so much about you. It’s good to see you’ve grown out of your teenage angst”_

Later, once the reunions were finished, James approached them.

 _“Pads. I think that we,”_ he gestured at Lily and the boys, _“might head on now. We’ve spent a long time here and-”_

 _“I thought you might,”_ Sirius said sadly, glancing at Moony. _“I don’t think we’re quite ready to go yet, though. Moony wants to see Teddy again, you know?”_

 _“I thought that might be the case,”_ James’ voice was soft and full of emotion. Pulling them into a last hug, he said _“I just wanted to give you the option. I don’t want to leave you again.”_

 _“I know, Prongs. I know.”_ Sirius’s voice cracked. _“I’ll see you on the other side, okay?”_

James nodded, a single tear rolling down his face, and then in the blink of an eye was gone.

_“Our last great adventure, hey Prongs”_

**Author's Note:**

> The Death Eater that Sirius doesn't recognise is Peter Pettigrew, but he'd changed so much that Sirius didn't recognise him with a mask on. I think that if he had, he would have fought Peter rather than his cousins.


End file.
